Dear Rocket,
You are many things. Fast. Fun. Sporty. Even sexy. I relish every one of your endearing qualities; even the way your upholstery disguises the crumbs left behind by the kiddos. (Sorry about that, by the way.) I look forward to a long and enjoyable relationship with you, Rocket.
But, there are some things we must discuss. I sense that you are having a bit of a identity crisis, perhaps a bit of vehicular angst has gripped you with the onset of winter and the troublesome condition of Fluttercity's streets. And, while I have attempted to go along and ride this little bump in our relationship out, it appears that you and I need to have a little chat.
I'm going to say it and say it straight.
You are not, I repeat... NOT Kurt Browning.
You think I can't feel your nimble little tires trying to line up a triple axel? You think I don't KNOW that you're daydreaming of that camel spin? Who do you think you're fooling? Not me. Uh uh. And I'm not having any more of that, Rocket. This is not the Winter Olympics and I am not going to be your little Twizzle partner dressed in a tarty little flouncy skirt and nasty opaque tights that tie under my shoes... and I'm losing my train of thought, here.
The point is, that no matter how much you really, really, really WANT to be a little figure skating car... Rocket, it's not possible. Simply not possible and certainly not advisable. There are other vehicles on that ice, and, well I'll just say it. They're going to laugh. They're going to laugh Rocket. And call you names. And get their nose all up in your business about just what it is you're trying to do out there.
Is it close-minded and intolerant? Yes! I feel your pain. No one wants their dreams dashed against the rocky precipice of Reality. They're pricks, those other cars. Grotty, unwashed PRICKS that can't stand to let another vehicle outshine them. But you and I, Rocket, we live in their world. We drive on their ice. And I really need you to hear me now, when I tell you that we gotta play by the rules of that Prick-owned ice.
So, get your head on straight, boy. Put some lead in those loafers and keep it in the game. No more wibbely-wobbely-tipsy-turvy stuff out there on the road. We're keeping it locked down, right? Right?
So, do we have an understanding, Rocket? Good. Now, Hug it out.
10 comments:
There are times in every women's life that you MUST set your car straight. Like our children (and husbands) they need a reality check-good for you! :O)
We are the proud of owners of a 2006 Civic. Best little car in the world!
Sounds to me like Rocket needs new skates ..... perhapos hockey skates.
You guys are breakin' my heart here. . . Just wanted you to know. . .
JodyJ -- I know, I know... but when I told him, he just looked at me with these sad eyes like I just ripped his little ice dancer heart out. I felt really, really mean.
Cocotte -- See, I knew you were a person of great class and taste. Like minds, you know. :D
Xavier -- I already got him some new boots for winter. But maybe skates are the way to go seeing as how our roads are nothing but slick ice at the moment.
Desmond -- Awwww... do you have unfulfilled ice dancing dreams, too?? ;)
shing
Uh. . . no.
But yer little Civics are - how shall I say it? - sold by an erstwhile competitor to the company for whom I work. So, if you wanna think of it as taking food out of my kids' mouths, you'll understand my sense of heartbreak. . .
So, does that make me a Prick?
;)
Ahhh... I see. I forgot bout that. :/
If it makes you feel better, our last two (and most expensive) vehicles were from your company. Well, not really "YOUR" company but... you know what I mean.
You are certainly no prick, Des. But, dare I ask what brand of paint the Jones' use in their home? Or, conversely, perhaps I should poll your company to first see what brand of paint they use to paint their factories and offices, and whether or not they constrain their employees to only support North American business (no IKEA, or Made in China???) before I decide whether or not to likewise narrow my vehicle purchases.
Sorry, didn't mean to make an issue of this... nothing personal. In fact, if I ever buy another XX vehicle, it's cause I now "know" someone who works there... certainly not because I hold the Big Three in any sort of regard. I think that recent events of business have been ridiculous and that perhaps some CEO's should be re-evaluating their posh wages and plush expense accounts and liberal use of private jets and other luxuries, rather than putting good people's jobs in jeopardy during tough economic times.
Wow... this should have been a separate post. Again, nothing personal, Des.
My beat-up, old and rickety '93 Civic that I drive to work each morning just tried to say "Word!", but his dentures fell out and then he tripped and broke his hip.
Two words for you, though: Snow chains.
As a sidenote on the OTHER conversation going on here, might I just say that Desmond's private jet is in the shop, and he's been forced to fly COMMERCIAL these days.
(I rarely comment on my word verification, but today I just have to mention that it is "rightio!")
Oh, gosh, I really didn't mean to start any controversy here. . . I mean, I'm well aware of the reputation that my company has, at least to some extent, earned, and has been in the process of living down since before I started working there. . .
And if I were so inclined (I'm not sure I am), there's a case to be made for the cost-savings of corporate jets, in terms of hotel/restaurant bills not incurred, and efficient use of time. But I'm also aware (as, apparently, my CEO is not) that it's a political game we're involved in, and perception is everything. . .
And I'm aware of the irony of pushing a 'buy American' line on a Canadian. . . (which is why I couched it in terms of 'my company', and not 'buy American'; just so's you know I know. . .)
As to paint, gosh, I dunno. . . I s'pose we've usually bought ours from Sears. . . But, if you've got a better suggestion, I'm all ears; would you guys ship to us direct? . . . 'cuz 6F is wantin' to redo her room again. . .
Yep, and for the uninitiated, nasty snow tires are figure skates and nasty snow tires that are studded (studs, hee hee) are hockey skates. Chains, around here, are micro-dozers. Just so ya know.
Post a Comment