Roadtrip Recap Hijacked.

So, this is the spot where I would normally be telling all of you about my weekend away with the kids. I'd tell you about all the funny fun and all the exciting excitement that comes with travelling four hours with two kids in the backseat (cause that was more joy than should be allowed... if you're into bloodsport and vitriolic debate.) on icy roads. And I'd maybe mention that packing for two "big" kids STILL takes a lot of work and trunk space despite what you always told yourself when you had babies in tow. I could also tell you all the other truly great parts of my trip; my cute little niece and visiting with my parents and grandparents and brother and sister-in-law.

I would be telling you all about it except for the fact that, well, I blew my brains out before the weekend even started...

Something like that. But it will make more sense if I back up a bit. I spent the day before leaving feeling really pretty awful. You don't have to know me (or read this blog) for long before you know that I have sinus Issues. Behind this cute little nose is satan's playground, complete with sharp objects and stuff specially designed to make a head miserable.

So, this is how it goes for me. Things are normal until one day, usually by afternoon, I get feeling chilled and flu-ish. The playground starts winding up into full carnival mode by evening and I spend the next day or so working all my tricks to pull the plug on this. If I can get things under control within a week, I'm usually back in business for at least another week or two until it's time to Rinse, Repeat. And if I can't kick it, I know I'm in for the long haul which really, really, really sucks.

Thursday was Flu and Chill day. I finished out my day at work feeling crappy and resigned myself to the fact that I would be spending my weekend away steaming my brain out with saline spray and hot Magic bags which I packed carefully into my luggage on Friday morning.

And never took out of my suitcase. Cause I found THIS:

(picture removed cause it crashed my template.)

My Mama was given this by her chiropractor (totally The World's Greatest Chiropractor, btw) and she passed it on to me to try out. It is a homeopathic formulation which means it is meant to be taken orally. Mr. Chiropractor recommended it be, well... snorted.

I was desperate/foolish enough to pony up with what looked like a little coke spoon and measure out ten drops of this stuff. Clearly, there was a high alcohol content as just lifting it to my sweet little nostril brought water to my eyes. Primitive instincts fired up in warning and I swear that I saw red before tipping back my head and sucking what I later found out was 45% vol. alcohol into my cranium.

HOLYCRIKEYGAKFLAKKINGBRRRRIFFFNAAHAAAH*breatheFlutter*MOTHEROFPEARLSHEEPDIP!!!

The word "pain" cannot even describe that Mack truck. It was like my face gave birth to a very large, spiny cactus. Explosively.

It was staggering. Literally... I staggered trying to stay upright before I found something to lean against. My eyes were pouring water and my teeth felt like they might fall out. I managed to breathe only cause I reminded myself to. Somewhere in that firey fog in my head I remembered that I still had Round Two to finish. I clenched that heinous little coke spoon in my trembling hand and measured out those dreaded ten drops much like dropping lead bullets into a six-shooter before facing down an enemy. I was committed. Deep breath. A bit of inspiring trashy self-talk and... Tip and Snort.

ARRRARRAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHH*burrrblesnort*FRICKINFRACKSOMOFA!!!!!!

I heard a pounding in my ears and it took a moment to realize that I was hearing the heel of my hand banging on the countertop I was bent over. Sweet baby Jesus have mercy.

And He did. Cause four hours later? After the throbbing in my jaw and burning in my cheekbones had abated? I was TOTALLY all better. Whether through the medicinal herbal component which treated my sinusitis, or the frank, raw sterilization and stripping of my mucus membranes by the alcohol content... I was healed. Alternatively, it is entirely possible that my sinuses packed their bags and left FlutterTown under the cover of night, never to return except to sue my ass for Assault and Battery.

No matter. I am a happy camper... and the new mother of two spiny cactuses named Frick and Frack. What a ride.