It seems that the topic of Babies has been coming up a lot lately. Between being blessed with two expectant Mommies on both sides of my family and some random conversations going all in the same direction, it seems that Babies are On The Brain. Last night, as a girlfriend and I sat over coffee in my kitchen, we began to talk about motherhood and birthing and how the medical profession has interfered in both our experiences of childbirth in ways that we later regretted or resented and wished had been different. I was impacted by the commonality of our stories -- the essential element of Woman being stripped of power and autonomy in the middle of the One life experience wherein she should be experiencing the greatest level of self-governance and personal strength. How does this happen? How is it that we let this happen?
I realize and respect that every woman has different expectations and requirements of the experience of childbirth. What troubles me is that the medical community seems to resist operating outside of their own comfortable parameters when a mother does not wish to be medicated or hooked up to machines. It is rare to find a medical professional who will listen and accomodate the wishes of such a mother.
I was incredibly lucky to have found such a professional when pregnant with the Princess. I presented him with my birthplan and he graciously accomodated whatever was within his power to allow at the hospital I planned to be at. I wanted, as much as possible, a natural childbirth. No meds, no monitors, limited interference with the labor process. I felt that I had a job to do and there was no one better equipped to birth my baby than me, so... leave me alone to do my job. I was greatly influenced by Dr. Robert Bradley's writing on natural birth, and while my own doctor was not comfortable with all of what I outlined, we reached a compromise that I felt was more than adequate.
The Princess' birth was not "perfect", she managed to get herself stuck (apparently missed the memo about not sticking one's hands out the window when in the tunnel) and some help extracting her was needed. I wasn't happy about that, nor the methods used to create some extra, errr.. Room for her elbows and head, but I understood it was necessary. Other than things getting a little squicky and scary at the end, my experience was incredibly amazing and life-affirming. My plan was mostly followed, I was given the space and time to be centered and concentrated during labor. No meds were pushed my way and I felt that both my GP and my L&D nurse were supportive of my natural instinct as a birthing mother.
I assumed that every birth experience would be like this.
Not so. Flash forward to my pregnancy with the Kid. My GP is no longer in the city and I was left trying to find a doctor who would take on another patient. I was referred to the reigning "baby doctor" in town. During our initial meetings, he seemed accepting and encouraging of what I outlined in my birth plan. But, once D-Day arrived... I soon found out that I was just another nameless, faceless Mom in his long parade. I was subjected to the exams of numerous student nurses, doctors... who knows. We were shuffled from room to room and I felt that no one took me seriously. When I told my L&D nurse that I felt I was transitioning, she brought in two other professionals to check and I was firmly told that I obviously didn't know what I was doing as I had at least another eight hours to go. I was exhausted from the previous eight hours, not to mention the lack of sleep in the weeks previous as the Kid seemed to be playing dodgeball in utero each night as I tried to sleep. I accepted their offer of Demerol (which I was told would help my body rest between contractions) and the Kid was born -- not eight hours -- but 40 minutes later. Unfortunately, I really don't remember much of his birth as I had a bad reaction to the drug and was ridiculously stoned.
There are some big lessons in here about listening to the wisdom of your own body and sticking to a plan. I get that. But, I can't help but feel that the medical system and the professionals in it often force their own judgements and assessments upon people using the power of their position, and often disregard the patient's own assessment and instinct. I guess that's what we pay them for... to Know Stuff and Do Stuff That We Can't Do Ourselves. And when it comes to stuff like repairing damaged body parts or cutting out disease (or pieces of glass in one's leg), I pretty much am OK with shutting up and letting them do their thing.
But, I do wish that someone would have believed in me when I was doing something that I was meant to do and could do for myself.
11 comments:
conceived in intimacy, born in intimacy
of 6 births, the two greatest were the two born here at home with no professional to tell me what's wrong.
and yes, you could easily have birthed princess unassisted, even with that nuchal hand.. I know plenty of women who have done it, yes, it hurts, but that feeling of empowerment.. and joy.. all there!
Your story of your son's birth is pretty universal. I have heard so many women say that they felt they weren't listened to, that they were on an assembly line, etc. I think that sort of problem is becoming greater, rather than the opposite, because at least here, c-sections and induced birth rates are going up. Doctors simply don't want to take the time to let the body figure things out on it's own.
I was blessed to have both children at home. I was assisted by my husband, my mom, and a midwife. I really wouldn't do it any other way (unless there were complications with the pregnancy).
I agree with much of what you say, at least from what I've heard and read. Our experiences in hospitals with random, anonymous doctors were actually pretty good, although with one birth my wife wanted something to 'take the edge off' and ended up fairly ridiculously stoned, and with no decision-making capacity whatsover. Which meant I had to make any decisions for her.
I do wonder, though, what your reasons are behind having a problem with monitors. I understand some women don't want medication and want only minimal intrusion, but aren't simple things like heart-rate monitors a pretty important, and possibly life-saving, device?
Although, granted, the alarm on ours was going off every 20 minutes even when there was no problem, and I think I ended up turning it off without alerting a doctor at least once...
I was actually planning on writing about my son's birth this week (it's his birthday).
I believe the reason ob/gyn's are so one-minded about the whole process is they are subject to the highest malpractice insurance rates, so they have to be extremely careful and follow procedures to the T. I have had a hard time keeping an ob/gyn as they end up retiring early or leaving the practice because of the costs and liability.
I suppose we've been pretty fortunate in our relationship with our family doc (a member of our community), who delivered all eight of our kids. He was pretty open to listen to Molly, and work with her. And if he thought that something she wanted would be problematic, he'd talk it out with her, rather than just hop up on his 'I'm the doctor' pedestal.
And as she got older, Molly got a bit less 'dogmatic' (if I can say it that way) about her child-birthing preferences. Less 'into the experience', and more inclined to 'get this baby born'.
And I suppose that, by the time you're having your 8th kid, the novelty of the experience might have worn off, just a bit. . .
Desmond..I think every woman is different, but I tell you, my #6 birth really was integral to the naming of our son.. his birth was just so easy - pleasant even, so his name is Elias Chaim Noam, a pleasant or delightful life.
Sombra -- the Princess presented two nuchal hands and I can safely say there was no shortage of pain, whatsoever. ;) I was really very interested in the idea of homebirth -- still am as you know from our conversations -- but there were no midwives around our area. Not to mention the fact that Mr. F. was very against the idea of it, let alone an unassisted birth.
Therese -- it truly saddens me that this is the case for so many women. I was especially angry to hear from a ward nurse after I birthed the Kid, that my doc was known to overestimate delivery times and encourage Demerol cause he found his patients easier to work with once they were looped out. Hearsay? Yes. But it still really upset me. Your births sound like a really great experience. You should share them sometime!
FTN -- my problem with monitors is basically the one you stated. There were also some statistical reasons I had concerning the prevalence of unecessary C-sections, etc. due to a subjective reading of a naturally variable marker such as heartrate. Some doctors are way too quick to yell "DISTRESS" and whisk you off to the O.R. I didn't want that.
Cocotte -- Can't wait to read your story! I'm not certain that doctors in Canada have the same malpractice concerns and issues as in the States. For that matter, my small city didn't really have any OB/GYNs, just GPs who accepted pregnant patients. (not all GPs in the city did this. I think this situation has changed in the years since, but that was the case, then.)
Desmond -- I love how your Community relationships permeate all the parts of your family life... I think it's very cool. And, I can definitely see being much more relaxed about #8 than the first ones!
Sombra -- I love how you have named your children. I think it's really very fitting to give them names as a benediction for their lives.
I suppose I lean more towards getting the baby out as pain free as possible. I have had drugs for both pregnancies thus far and I honestly wouldn't want to do it without. I don't like pain. IN the end to each his own.
JodyJ -- I absolutely agree "to each his own". And "getting the baby out" is a good thing, too! :D lol
To be honest, in hind-sight I am thankful that Queenie was not into the whole natural thing back in the day. I woulda jumped right on the natural home delivery thing. And there is no scenario under which Sensible would have been born alive under those circumstances.
But that's our experience.
Xavier -- I think it's considering the possibility of those types of experiences which cause many to feel that home birth is not for them. I'm glad that there was a happy ending for you, Queenie and Sensible.
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