Open Letter to Mother Nature.

Seriously Mother Nature? Can we not be less Original with the weather, lately? I mean, we've kinda set -- I don't know -- a precedent or something over the past millenia and us creatures of the earth have come to appreciate and expect a certain cycle, so to speak. Generally... spring follows winter, which is then followed by summer. Remember that little rhythm? See, so do we. So, when you start getting all Creative and splishing and splashing Random Days of Snow into what should be WELL into Spring-like weather? The people round here get all jumped up and, Mother Nature?... I'm not sure the collective spirit of humanity round these parts is really feeling the love for you right now. In fact, you may have a mutiny on your hands.

I get that sometimes it's fun to F around with the big thermostat in the sky... I imagine I might be tempted to do the same, were I ancient and allpowerful and mystical like yourself. But I'd like to think I'd have the good sense to call that junk off when the humor of the situation has done run it's course. And, just so you know? So done.

So, if you don't mind, I'd be happy to recommend a few weather options to get us back on track. Just a starting point, mind you. But something you may find useful to have in your back pocket for those days when you're having some kind of cosmic hot flash and are considering turning on the fan and dumping ice on the whole joint.

1) More sun. This is really the backbone of a good spring routine and should be the foundation and starting point of each day you plan, really. Trust me.

2) Less wind. Please, for the love of all that's good and holy and true... much less wind.

3) Rain. Just some ground rules about rain. It is needed. Agreed on that point. But, try to throw it in along with the sun and less wind. (please kindly refer to points #1 and #2) People will be much, much happier, I promise.

4) Seasonably warm temperatures. Try revving the engine a bit and bring things up at least 10 - 15 degrees. We're a bit behind on that aforementioned cycle of things, here. You need to kickstart that puppy a good one.

5) No snow. Absolutely, completely, without any shadow of doubt or question... NO FRAKKING SNOW. We should be beyond that crap, OK? Simple rule. Learn it. Love it. Live it.

There. I think that should get you well on your way. Simple things, these... but I realize that everyone needs a little push in the right direction from time to time. Just glad I could be around to help out a friend. Cause we are friends, Mother Nature, aren't we? I think I may just be the only one around here still talking to you.