Deep Thoughts on a Friday Afternoon

This school year has gone by so very, very quickly. It seems that the older these kids get, the more time speeds by. I remember my Mom talking like this when I was younger. Those years, coincidentally, felt like they were CRAWLING along to my way of remembering. It seemed to take forever to get around to my next birthday, the next summer's holidays, etc. when I was young.

By and large, things have gone very smoothly. The Princess is truly a star at school. She LOVES her teacher and classmates and puts so much quality effort into her work. It really gives me joy to see her working hard at her projects and homework... cause I'm not so sure that I was like that at her age. I hope that school continues to be a place where she thrives and feels challenged, where she grows in confidence in her abilities and talents. So far, so good and I count my blessings that this is the case.

The Kid, however, is struggling. This has been a cause for concern for a while now. I think I perhaps even posted about things last year. He does very much enjoy his teacher. She is a lovely lady with a gentle disposition and he really wants to please her and do well. He has lots of friends (although I will say that the playground dynamics for little boys are sooooo foreign to me -- they're worse than girls, for sure!!!) and seems to be well-liked by the kids around him.

The Kid has always struggled with aspects of his temperament which nicely place him in the "spirited" category of children. He is persistent, distractible (and yes... those two qualities CAN be found in one child. I am a witness to it every day), emotionally intense, sensitive and physically active.

I have spent the greatest part of these past seven years growing in appreciation for my boy; as well as learning ways to help him master the difficulties of his temperament. It is a constant work in progress and some days we do better than others. He needs routine and sleep and rigid boundaries... all things which are easy enough to plan, but sometimes hard to follow through on.

He's experienced minor difficulty in the classroom since kindergarten, really; trying to get a hold of his predisposition to be distracted, to control his impulses to chat or blurt out whatever intensely interesting point crosses his mind at any given moment. But, as the years have gone on, the expectations of classroom behavior have risen. And his growing awareness of his internal struggles have increased, as well.

He's not a "bad kid" -- at least, I don't think he is, nor have I heard anything to make me question. He generally does not make poor choices nor does he treat other students with disregard or meanness. He is not mischievous or looking to create trouble for the teacher. However, he is one of those kids who is sitting at the front, in easy reach of the teachers eyes and ears -- positioned, with forethought, away from his friends who may bring extra temptation his way. And whenever I touch base with his teacher, she always makes mention (in a kind way) of his difficulty listening and how easily distracted he is... and I can tell that he is the student who challenges her the most in that manner.

Wow, I'm being long-winded.

Bottom line, is I am beginning to question whether or not it would be good to get the Kid some extra help, some diagnostic tools or whatever. It pains me to see him become aware that he is not the student he wants to be, that he has a sense of his inadequacies in the eyes of his teachers.

I fully realize that, outside of perhaps some special -- or "stronger" -- temperament issues, that mostly his biggest problem is just being a BOY in a school system that is designed to work against everything that makes boys the wonderful little boogers they are.

I guess that my question is simply where to draw the line. When does the benefit of striving to grow and change in an area of Challenge become diminished by the back-bowing crush of being disappointed in your best efforts?

I want my son to learn that personal change and growth is important. That people will have expectations of his behavior his whole life through and that he should be and *is* capable of working towards all kinds of improvements in life. I want him to become a productive, contributing member of society who does not make excuses for his lot in life or his behavior in it. But I don't want these lessons to come at the cost of his sense of person, his value or worth in my eyes or in the eyes of others.

We've decided to enroll the Kid in a Hapkido school in our city. I had a hunch it would be right up his alley. A Korean martial art which focuses on ground work and wrestling, joint locks and disarms... it plays right into my little guys' love for tearing around wrestling on the floor. And he has loved it so far. He is by far the youngest student in the class and he made us very proud with his respectful behavior and attention to his sensei. I hope that this can become something that will FEED his sense of self, instead of take away from it as school sometimes can. And, I hope that he doesn't follow in his Daddy's footsteps and become a street brawler... I trust that he will have better guidance in his life and discipline to handle his strength and temper than Mr. F. did.

And if not, his "reformed" Dad will have to teach him a lesson, I guess. ;)

I've started working with him a bit more intensively at home; trying to help him key into those moments of distraction before they hit his chatter-button.

And I've considered taking him for ADD testing, too... but I'm really hesitant to go down that road. I'm sure there's enough reasons to slap some acronym on him. But I have no intention of drugging my boy at this point; and so I'm not sure what good any kind of diagnosis will do.

Any suggestions, my internet friends? I'm all ears.