It has been 13 and one half years since the Princess made her entrance into this amazing world and changed my life forever. Each year has brought it's own joys and challenges and this last year has been full of remarkable changes, seeing her mature into a lovely young lady. (see photo below... I know, right?!)
She has always been a very sensible girl and never one given to easily crushing on boys or centering her thoughts and life around their stinky boyish ways. And so it was terribly surprising when this past spring she was reunited with a childhood friend and fell hard for him. Their long-distance friendship has grown over the months following that time and the fact is that, well, she truly loves him and he appears to share the same kind of serious feelings for her.
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*record screeching* Oh. My. Gosh. Would anyone have a paper bag they could lend me? I may momentarily be having difficulty breathing.
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OK, calmer, now.
A little.
I'm finding this a very, shall we say, strange territory to traverse as a mama. I wanted to say "alien territory"... but the fact is that it's not at all "alien" to me. Because I found a Love very young as well. In fact, at about the same age as the Princess is now. And walking through all this with her, seeing this all unfold... is the strangest kind of deja vu that one can imagine. The scariest kind. I'm terrified that she will make my same mistakes. Terrified that we as parents will fail her. Not protect her enough. Protect her too much. Terrified that I will parent the girl that I was and not the girl that I have, if you can know what I mean.
We are trying our best to keep things locked down on this whole situation. There are lots of boundaries and conditions and communicating openly -- definitely the distance between our homes helps in that regard, as well as the fact that his parents are also keeping things together on their end in similar fashion. But the fact is that there is so much I cannot control. The heart wants what it wants and I'm not foolish enough to think I can control her heart. I feel that I am walking the fine line between honoring her as a growing young woman and protecting her as my child. Still, I'm so very scared for her. I know that sometimes approaching that precious thing you yearn for ends in broken dreams and a shattered heart. And I will absolutely die inside if I have to see my lil girl hurting like that.
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Bag, please. Thank you.
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I am reminded of some timeless parenting advice... "Just get them through it,". I just hope we can do a good job of that.
5 comments:
Oh, I know. Which chapter is this in the All-Knowing Parents' Manual, right?
I think it's made worse because it pokes our memories of our own, uh, youthful foibles (ie, stupidity), and those things that we look back on in our own lives with a sense of 'holy shit, I came THIS CLOSE to screwing up my life but royally!' Love (and, let's be honest with ourselves - sex is what really freaks us out) has this unerring way of inducing even grown adults to throw all reason out the window; how can our (*sniff*) BABIES be remotely prepared to deal with it?
Of course, they aren't, and that freaks us out even more, because that means that (*holy shite!*) (*again!*) they need us to help them figure it out. Which, inside ourselves, feels like the ultimate blind-leading-the-blind scenario.
But the truth is, you're the best resource she's got. Don't be afraid to give her the benefit of your wisdom and experience, even if you're worried that you'll put yourself in a less-than-favorable light, and possibly cost yourself some respect. You probably won't (altho, you won't appreciate when she says, 'but YOU did it!'). Respect (as in yours of her) is, as you suspect, one of the keys, but don't be afraid to cross her will when you have to.
13 is, of course, nowhere near marriageable age, and I've tried to impress on my kids (for all the good it did me) that what they're wanting to do (or at least, what their hormones are pushing them toward) is to get married, and that season of their life just isn't yet.
So. . . deep breaths. . . You can do this. It will almost certainly feel uber-awkward, and make you wanna scream (but you've already done that, so. . . you're good). But. . . you're the mom. You were made for this. . .
;)
(And. . . oh, Lord have mercy. . . my WordVer is 'potheadi'. . . I am not making this up. . .)
Everything Craig said. Because even though my oldest is 22, we haven't gone through this yet! Not kidding!
Queenie was 13 when we began our journey. 13 was well in my rear view at the time. Her parents were generous to us and we managed passable behavior. Targeted reinforcement went a long ways .....
Our brats waited until around 15 to sprout crushes, kind ones they were. Courage ....
'toxisphe'? That's a scary looking ver
Craig -- as always, thanks for your wise words. I actually felt a little bit calmer reading them. :) Until you mentioned "pothead"... who knew a word verification could inspire a choking fit??
Bijoux -- I only wish, girl. I could definitely live with 9 years of delaying this all. lol
Xavier -- do share more about this "Targeted Reinforcement" you speak of... methinks it might come in handy.
"Targeted Reinforcement" is kinda hard to describe ..... maybe this'll help:
"We trust you because we know you would never do anything that would not be in Queenie's best interest. Ever. Right?"
And then there was Pop's voice that would get extra deep when talking to me. Not to mention the firm but not quite painful handshakes. And other junk I can't recall. Lets just say if I was inclined to not behave and follow their rules I knew there'd be issues. Yet they treated me kindly at the same time.
I was quite inclined to stay in line.
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