I am a little worried about my little buddy. The Kid has always been a sensitive and emotional little dude. He wears his little heart on his sleeve and problems and issues always seem to affect him so deeply. It's easy to tell when something is bugging him.
And I know that something is going on inside him lately. My loving, funny little guy has been replaced with a sullen, grumpy Person who gets tummy aches each day before school.
But, here's the problem. The Kid may well be sensitive and emotional. But he is certainly not very self-aware. In his own little mind, all he knows is that the world sucks. Asking him to pinpoint WHY it sucks and WHAT we can do to help it not suck? That's asking too much.
Which is really frustrating for a straightforward parent like myself. And concerning. I wonder how in the world I'm going to give him the tools to navigate life, when he struggles navigating his own insides. I know that he's only six and that some of this self-awareness truly does develop a bit later for boys, etc, etc, yada, yada. It just makes it hard to reach him where he's at right now, though.
So... all you parents of boys out there... any advice? I've talked to his teacher at school already. A number of times, actually. I know that there are some issues there in terms of compatibility between the Kid and her. Frankly, I think that he can be a bit of a challenge at school and she is the type who likes to squish the Challenges. Unfortunately, it's a bit late to change things up... Otherwise, I don't have a lot of insight about this thing. The Kid has friends, people like him, there's been no reports of any bullying or whatever.
Anyway, I look forward to hearing what you all may have to say about this. In the meantime, I'm launching The Kid Protection Program. We have a lunch date today and since I have the week off of work, I'm going to take some extra time to connect with him after school and stuff. Maybe he just needs some extra TLC.
10 comments:
I'm sorry to hear that the Kid is having troubles. I also have a son who doesn't like to talk about how he's feeling. Getting information out of him is like pulling teeth. Is there anything offered at school,like a counsellor, who works with kids. I think sometimes they may find it easier to open up to someone other then mom and dad.
If you think it's the teacher thing, do what you can to get him a different teacher. If he was a little older, I'd be preaching the virtues of learning how to deal with the idiosyncrasies of the teacher he's got ('cuz the Universe isn't always gonna co-operate and send him teachers/coaches/bosses he finds congenial), but at six, you're setting the tone for the whole rest of his life, in a lot of ways.
But whether you can get him a new teacher or not, you're doing the absolute best thing you can do - make sure he knows that, whatever load of crap the Universe might be dishing him at the moment, Mom and Dad are in his corner. . .
My son is also very tight lipped about everything. And our problems started in 5th grade with a bad teacher. He's hated school ever since (that was 3 years ago). Keep tabs on what's going on in there. Since the year is half over, I don't know about switching teachers, but if it's a possibility, do it!
boy + school = BAD MIX
There are very few boys in the world who enjoy the FEMALE world of school. It's designed by women to get children to conform to a female world. There is not enough room in school for digging, smashing, throwing, running, inspecting, building, destroying, building, destroying and in general - getting tough. School is designed to take the physical out of you and make you still, it's designed for small minute work, not big arm swinging work. And when you put a female teacher who has no time or patience for boys and big movements, together with a boy who has no time or patience for someone who is not really an authority figure in his life.. it's a BAD MIX.
I know you've tried homeschooling.. I know it wasn't the perfect solution for you. Any chance you could get him back into Montissori?
My suggestion - in order to survive public school, you might be willing to let all homework slide, and let some academic days go by without him attending.. and take him somewhere where he can do the digging and squashing and throwing etc. that he needs to do. And when the report card comes in with less than glamourous letters written on them.. tell him he's extraordinarily MORE than the sum of the letters on that page - that his life is much more full and meaningful than some grade that someone else wants to put on him.
Cheers Sombra!! I had tried homeschooling my two boys, then surprise I became pregnant and it's been a bit rough so we enrolled them in public school. I am really discontent with the school system and I agree boys NEED to move. It's something I know we will re visit in the future.
Yikes. It's sad to think about that "I-don't-know-why" depression in a 6-year old. My 5-year old son is pretty far from being very self-aware, emotionally. He seems to enjoy kindergarten, but rarely says much about it, even when I ask him (EVERY day) about it. He's got a friend or two, they play, they eat, they learn... something.
Wish I had some good advice. My *daughter* is the overly emotional one in the family, and I suspect my "man-ness" rears its head and I end up treating her like a boy when it comes to trying to teach her how to deal with her emotions properly.
Hope you get some details out of him or his teacher about what's going on.
JJ -- Mr. F. and I have talked about perhaps looking into counseling down the road for The Kid. But, we've got a few things lined up first that we need to see through. I always pictured my kids being "open books" much like myself, but apparently they take after Mr. F. moreso. Scares the crap out of me, sometimes.
Desmond -- that first thing is exactly what I've been weighing out. That second thing is definitely on the agenda.
Cocotte -- I really don't want him to end up hating school... I'm not sure that he's There just yet. But, I certainly have wondered whether or not he'd be better off in a different class.
Sombra -- I think you pretty much nailed it. (no surprise there, as you are the mother to "True" boys, aren't you?!? lol) I really have been giving thought to homeschooling at times. Although, I question whether or not he would thrive in that environment, either. But, I simply can't do it right now. Unfortunately I have to work for the time being. But, I love how you think outside the box and I'll give some thought to modifying his school experience. I like that idea, really.
FTN -- I've really not been happy with how my conversations with his teacher have gone. Long stories, all of them...
No boy-child here but I was one once. Seems a bit simplistic, but maybe he just needs something to like/love. A club or an interest or a sport to get hooked up. For me it was modelling and organized sports (intramurals and such).
What does he like to do? Is it something that can be satisfied at school through a team or club or whatever? Is it something that can be improved/enhanced by school-type things (math, writing, etc)? Find it and encourage it.....
Maybe he just needs some rad new rollers and gear! :-)
Xavier, did you actually say 'rad'? . . .
I don't have any advice myself. My little boy gets very upset quickly - not often - but when it does happen, it is extremely difficult to get him happy again.
When that happens, it's RS who helps him best. He's getting to that point where he needs and wants Dad more than Mom. Maybe your husband can help your little boy "man to man."
I hope you are able to figure out what's going on in his little world!
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