So the other day, I pop into our place of business to drop an item off and I happen to see a man approaching someone in the parking lot. It appears that he's asking for money and it appears that the other man politely turns him down.
I meet with my client and finish my errand. Admittedly I am hoping that this solicitous individual is not in the parking lot as I exit the store. He isn't and I breathe a little easier. However... As I continue my way a block or two over to the bookstore I am going to next, I see that he is now in that parking lot and I see him again approach people in the lot. I duck in the doors and am about 15 minutes into my browsing when he is there in the aisle in front of me.
He is polite.
He is also drunk. His every word washes me with the smell of alcohol and I have a hard time deciphering his speech.
His story? He is from out of town and his car (with his wife, 5 kids and a baby in it, no less) is stuck on the side of the highway, out of gas. If I just had some cash to give him, he could get some gas and get his family safely home to a town about 40 mins away.
Now, I'm not heartless and if I believed for one second that this man had helpless children stranded on the road in cold winter weather, I would not hesitate to help. What did I do? I told him I didn't have any cash (I didn't) and I offered to help him call a gas station to bring him out enough gas to get him into the city. I guess that wasn't what he was looking for as he shrugged his shoulders and turned away.
This whole situation plagued me as I drove home and I replayed it in my mind. I treated him well -- which I should have. He is a human being and deserves being treated with dignity. But I guess what bothers me is this notion: dignity is honored by honesty. And I wasn't honest. For the sake of politeness I bought into his ruse and played along. I played his own game if you will... (and won, I might add... apparently no inebriated brain is a match against this specimen of a thinking machine. lol) but what I really wanted to do is be honest. To say "Buddy. Really? I can tell you are drunk and I'm having a hard time believing your story at all. You need to leave this store and quit lying to people to get what you want."
It wasn't so much about this particular situation as it is how I often -- in so many areas of my life -- sacrifice being honest about what I think (Keeping it Real, if you will) for being uber-diplomatic and ingratiating.
But then, maybe I'm just over-analyzing. I have a tendency to do that, too. :) How honest are you with people trying to scam you?
3 comments:
Seriously, I don't see how you were dis-honest, you simply assessed the situation and hedged by creating a strategy whereby he could only win if he was honest. That's all good stuff in my book, perfect honesty. He knows you caught him and confronting him could only result in neutral or bad things for you. There was nothing to gain, everything to lose.
Nice move, been there myself many times but only crossed the line of saying what I REALLY felt once. The menacing reaction was enough to convince me to expose the fraud and move along.
Believe me, you were wise .....
Oh, you Canadians are always so polite. . .
I echo Xavier - you're over-analyzing. 'Honesty' doesn't entail saying everything that's in yer brain (". . . and you're ugly, too!"). You took his request seriously enough; if he'd really wanted gas for his car, you were makin' it available to him.
What you did, btw, is what I generally do with beggars. If they say they want food, I'll give 'em food; if they need gas for their car, I'll give 'em gas for their car (and I've done both, at one time or another). No one gets cash, tho (I just tell 'em, "I don't give cash; what do you need?"). . .
What you did preserved the human dignity of the gentleman, at least insofar as it depends on you. Which doesn't happen if you empty your brain of all its scathing thoughts. . . As the saying goes, "Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. . ."
These days, a confrontation may involve a gun. I wouldn't have even acknowledged him speaking to me. Scary stuff.
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