There, that wasn't so bad to admit.
I'm on the board of directors for a certain... errrr... team. (There, was that anonymous enough???) I love being a part of making this particular sport better in our city. Of working with great girls who, largely, have the same goals and drive as I do. These are my friends and teammates.
But there's one particular relationship on this board that I struggle with. I very much like this person and enjoy her company on certain levels, but I find her management persona to be hard to deal with. She tends to lecture and be very passive-aggressive and easily threatened by other people's drive and initiative. It was one thing to deal with on the board, but after some time, I noticed it was carrying over to how she treated me (and others) on the track and I knew it was time to stand up for myself. To put some boundaries in place.
And this isn't easy for me. She is an intimidating person, both in stature and personality. She is prone to being unpredictable and dramatic and this makes most people simply back off and let her have her way, lest they incur a temper tantrum or worse. And, truthfully, that is my first inclination as well. (**site previous post and self-proclaimed wimp status**)
But it got to the point last month where I felt compelled to do something.
I don't want to get into details, but there have been two occasions on which (in a public forum) I have had the need to firmly but reasonably call "Bullsh$#" on her shenanigans and stand up for my right to be treated as an adult and not a childlike minion under her purvey.
Yesterday was one of them and the fall-out hasn't been pretty.
I want to be this tough chick who can just sit back and laugh at it all. To not care. To say "to hell with her and all who think like her".
But I'm not and I can't.
And today, I just wanted to sit with a Friend. A true friend who knows me inside and out and knows what my heart is in this all. Who could handle my tears of frustration and tell me it will be OK. That it's OK to stand up for me. That I should be understood and respected.
I needed a hug. That's all.
6 comments:
Awwww... now I feel bad because you needed a hug and I tried to pump you up and encourage you to brush it off. I know how you feel, I feel the smart of uncomfortable situations as well. All I can tell you is that it takes time to feel alright again, that you must keep telling yourself it was the right thing to do, and maybe it's time you and her had a conversation one to one.
Stuff like that tears me up inside. A BIG HUG from me to you, Flutter!
JJ -- awwww, you were great, hon. Just couldn't be an actual person across the table from me, is all. No worries. I think you might be right about the conversation one to one. As much as I want to avoid that kind of thing, standing up for myself after the fact is not as productive.
Cocotte -- Thanks. It's been a rough day and I don't even know if today will be better... hope so!!
{{{hugs}}}
You absolutely deserve to be respected. . .
Thanks, Des. Much appreciated.
Today's been a much better day... made some resolutions and am committed to be a better person in this.
Sorry to hear that. Glad you have managed to stand firm and stand up for yourself when needed.
It will all be okay!
And it is possible to still care about the situation, but not let it make you depressed or ruin your day. I realize that's not easy, though.
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