Wanted.

New brain wanted.

Current model is overly forgetful and spastic.

Business-managing software bundle preferred.

Kinda Blue.

Last night I had a really nice phone conversation with my grandmother. I have a fear that these opportunities will diminish with time as some dementia seems to be taking over even now; I am reminded to create more opportunities to enjoy her company.

Sometimes I struggle to find things to talk about with her; she gets confused more easily now and doesn't have the same point of reference as people who are a bit more "current" in their thinking. For example, telling her that The Kid just tested for his orange belt in Hapkido doesn't have much meaning for her (and at this point, any explanation of "hapkido" will be lost by the next time we speak). So, for conversation's sake, he's in karate and taking a test. Sometimes I find the editing a bit draining and she struggles to share things about her life -- which is extremely quiet and the same from day to day.

But last night was such a treat. We talked of baking, which she loves/loved to do and she told me stories of her job as a young woman "working out" (something for which my cultural reference doesn't jive -- I'm assuming as a housekeeper/nanny or in a small institution with a kitchen) for people for whom she baked regularly. I told her the things I'd been baking lately for the kids and how I hoped to one day bake breads just as good as she does -- *smile* they really are so good! -- and in true grandmotherly fashion she had loads of encouragement for me. I had to smile as her words made me feel just like a child again... not so much because I was being encouraged, but as how it was clear that in her eyes I was just a child who couldn't expect to have the experience that someone like her who has baked and cooked for years has.

I was so happy for our conversation and yet, as my head hit the pillow and I had time to reflect on my day I found my eyes burning with tears. Sometimes life is just so sad. I hate that my Gramma is alone. And I found myself missing my Grandpa. I'm glad that he didn't suffer long in his passing, but I'm so sad that we never had a chance to say "goodbye". Because there was so much in my heart to say. And I can't help but feel so remorseful and, really... shocked... that I never thought to say it Before. And I feel compelled to not let that happen with my Gramma, too.

Back to the Lab, Again...

Experiment #1 in the Fantastic Spastic Kitchen aka Mad Spastic Laboratory:

All Natural Lotion Bars

Now, the Mad Spastic has a reputation to uphold. Known for nefarious deeds, smoky explosions, bubbling test tubes and the occasional rip in the time-space continuum; the Mad Spastic Laboratory has never been used for something as docile as health and beauty products. It took some persuading, but the Mad Spastic is nothing if not a REASONABLE diabolical fiend and with a small matter of bribery and a touch of blackmail, agreed to try her hand at the milquetoastey task of creating the perfect skin-moisturizing vehicle.

Grabbing her cauldron *ahem* double boiler she set to work, with the help of one equally diabolical and capable minion.

Diabolical, yes?

First came the eye of newt ... errrrr... beeswax. (4.75oz unbleached beeswax) Melt while stirring. The Mad Spastic heartily recommends using a crappy utensil that you won't mind throwing out later. Perhaps a popsicle stick or plutonium rod. On second thought, just go with the popsicle stick.

Next, the Mad Spastic performed many complex calibrations with highly measure-ey scale-type tools and exacted the precise amount of organic Shea Butter needed. Those of you with eyes in your head will see that it is also in the amount of 4.75 oz.

This also was added to the Cauldron of Death Mwahahahaha... *sigh* Fine. Double Boiler. The Mad Spastic laboured over the steamy mass with the Popsicle Stick of Infamy until all was melted and thoroughly combined.

Pulling together all her fiendish resources, the following ingredients were imparted to the now liquid mass. 5.5oz of Extra Virgin Coconut Oil (from especially lady-like coconuts, the Mad Spastic presumes) of the 76 degree variety. And 20 drops each of Tea Tree Oil and Bergamot Essential Oil. The Mad Spastic heartily recommends standing far back from the Cauldron of Monstrosity whence adding the Tea Tree Oil if you wish to retain your inner nose tissues.

Having completed the arduous tasks involved in melting and stirring and melting and stirring and melting and stirring and... you get the picture... the Mad Spastic now brandished the Turkey Baster of Villainry (which is a far better fate than she has heard befalls SOME turkey basters) and transferred the liquid lotion mixture to the moulding containers -- in this case the Muffin Pans of Silicone and Evil. As with the stirring utensil, don't count on using this one for cooking purposes afterwards, unless you are prepared to work a small miracle in the cleaning department.

The Mad Spastic then sat for a few minutes while planning the overthrow of the world's cosmetics industry while the lotion cooled and set. In the end, the Mad Spastic was terrifically pleased with the outcome, even dastardly villians need soft, lovely skin.