*CHOKECHOKE*GASP*COUGH*

Someone is going to have to find a better hiding place for their toys.

...and it ain't the kids I'm talking about.

This isn't really covered in any parenting books, is it?

Leap Year Take Me Away.

It's been almost three weeks of illness and crud here in the Flutterby home and my oh my... this place needs to be rescued in the worst way.

In fact, I'm surveying the damage from my spot here at the dining room table -- the Kid's school books are spread everywhere and there's dishes from lunch on the table and island, the living room has been covered with materials for the Princess' big school project and there are two small boxes of "cabin stuff" that I have yet to find a home for after my parents dropped them off in the midst of the Crud Days a week and a half ago. And then let's look a bit closer to see the dust bunnies and toast crumbs (arghhh... the bane of my existence... TOAST SHOULD BE A BANNED SUBSTANCE. Says I.) and various and sundry items that need to be put away (hmmmm... Tylenol, bearing press, remote control for DVD, invoice book, more cold meds, bath salts -- and that's just the island countertop. WHO LIVES IN THIS PLACE??? It is UNFIT, I tell you!!!!) And let's not even talk about laundry. I may weep.

So, I think that with the remainder of the superfluous 24 hrs gifted to me by this day, I am going to embark on the Glamourous and Exciting tasks of resurrecting some standard of housekeeping to this abode.

Anyone happen to have one of those Animation Enchantments? Like on Beauty and the Beast -- I could really use some talking teacups, mops and brooms to help me out with this one.

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHGHGGGHGGGGHHGHHH.

I just got served a big, steamy pile of Kicked In the Junk compliments of technology.

Last night, the Princess sang at her first open mic. She was fabulous (more on that later) and I managed to capture it on video. I actually did bring our little Flip video camera, but it self-destructed at the venue (no really... when I turned it on, it took about 10 seconds to boot and then got uncomfortably hot in my hands. Almost had an actual meltdown.) and as a last resort, I was able to catch my daughters' song using my crappy cell phone video feature.

So, tonight, I load up my little mini card into the adapter and get set to move the video (along with over a year's worth of assorted pics) onto my computer. Items copied and new folder made. Button clicked and I watch the little bar travel across the screen as my 69 items are copied into said new folder. (thank you, little bar, for LYING TO ME!!!!!)

I decide to also clean up my mini card, now that everything's been uploaded. Click. Delete.

So imagine my surprise when I open my upload folder and find it EMPTY.

No. Surprise is not the word. Disappointment is not the word. I really don't know what the heck the word is, but it involves the pit of my stomach and lurching and feeling awful. And maybe almost crying.

Cause she was so amazing. I know that I'm a proud mama and that proud mamas can be responsible for so many train wrecks and over-estimations of talent.

But this little girl, she really can sing. And she sang her heart out that night. Accompanied by her vocal teacher on guitar, she sang "Don't Laugh At Me" by Mark Wills. The lyrics are touching, but to hear them sung by such a young lady with a clear, sweet voice... It was special. I was so, so very proud of her.

And I really, really wanted to share it, here.

Sigh.

Spank You Very Much.

If I was that kind of blogger, this could be a post about last night... *wink* But instead, it's going to be a post about something else not nearly so interesting. But perhaps easier to stomach, cause really, who actually ever really wants to get all up in the KnowingOfTheFlutterLoveLife? Yeah, didn't think so...

So, today I was working at the hotel, doing my little Front Desk Routine. Normally, I'm working by myself but today I was brought on as Le Assistant a la Manager. (that's Lackey to do General Crap Work for the non-French among us. Wait, that's likely all of us. Sweet. I hate translating.) And as such, was given various and sundry odd jobs around the office. Some phoning, some filing, some bookwork, some more filing. OK, so, really... gobs and gobs of filing. As a former library employee (and I will KILL you if you call me a Librarian... just saying) I rock the alphabetical filing. I also am pretty dang good at numerical filing. This is a talent, people... let no one tell you otherwise.

Is it clear, yet that I'm not sure where I'm going with this? Give it a minute.

Let's just say that it was the filing that almost got my manager sucker-punched.

Cause here we are, two people working in this insanely small and stuffy office. Fan is running and there's barely room to move in the one corner where his desk is and the filing cabinets are mere inches behind his chair. And I'm scooching and trying to generally be inobtrusive while I try to get at this one particular file. Very frustrating. But, I think if I just move over an inch or two, I can get the drawer open far enough and maybe get at it without bumping into his chair. I scooch a bit more and...

SMACK! SMACK!

I jump. The voice in my head screams "Holy Sheepdip!!" and I question for a split second whether or not my manager just spanked my rear and what the appropriate response is to such a freaky occurence.

A moment later my brain reengages and I have the presence of mind to glance behind me and see that I've just managed to back my booty right up into the waiting blades of the room fan. It's sittting there behind me, spinning away happily without. a. front. safety. grill.

Cause that's the kind of classy place I work in, people. Some places charge good money for that kind of excitement. Here? It's all free, baby.

Which sorta makes it a bit like last night. Only without the filing.

Now I've Really Gone and Done It.

There are rare moments of inspiration in which I hit hard upon something big, something impressive and grand. And sometimes, on occasion, those moments hit back.

Like this morning.

I’ve been searching for some time to create an opportunity for the Princess to be involved in some sort of athletic endeavour. She really is not one for team sports and the pressure to perform that comes with it. The few times we’ve enrolled her in a league have not gone particularly well and we’ve long since dropped the topic. Still, I think it’s important for her to be active and enjoy the pursuit of something physical -- perhaps even be able to develop a passion and interest for something that will not only keep her fit and healthy but also be a source of confidence and accomplishment that she can enjoy and grow through for many years.

And here’s where things get Good and also Bad in one fell swoop, all starting with a quick morning glance through the weekend flyers while I munched my Kashi.

Step #1 -- Flutterby spots flyer for the annual “I Love Fluttercity 5K run”

Step#2 -- Flutterby thinks what a natural the Princess is at running, always placing in the top three in her age at Track events at school. What long legs she has! What easy grace! How she enjoyed those races and was proud of herself for placing well! YES!

Step #3 -- Flutterby notices the date of the race is just two weeks after Mother’s Day and thinks, “What better way to celebrate than to run with the Princess?“ whilst imagining heart-warming scenes of crossing the finish line together and donning our matching race T-shirts while we clink our Gatorades in celebration.

Step #4 -- Flutterby quickly references the FluttercitySportGuide and finds a children’s training camp which fits right in before the race.

Step #5 -- Flutterby pitches the idea to a bright-eyed Princess who jumps at the chance. Flutterby mentally scores grand and glorious Mommy Points and feels rather pleased with herself.

Step #6 -- Flutterby rests in the knowledge that she is a spectacular Mom who is in tune with her little Princess’ skills and talents and desires and…

Step #7 -- Flutterby gasps and sputters and basically chokes on her own tongue as she realizes she just signed herself up for a 5K race and she has never, ever ran a race in her life.

************************

It appears that I’m going to take one for the team, here.

Now, I realize that 5K isn’t exactly the Eco-Challenge. I know that many people -- even many of YOU readers -- have run far longer distances. And run them regularly. For some of you 5K is just a warm-up I’m sure.

But, regrettably, I am not one of you. Nor have I ever been.

It’s not that I’m not fit. I’m just not really built for distance. In a field of horses, I am the cheetah. Throw me sprint intervals. Make me work till I puke and barely recover and then make me do it again and again. Everything about me is built for the short-term balls-to-the-wall, hellish burst of energy and the quick recovery. I have a very respectable VO2max. I have a killer instinct for pushing hard beyond what I think I can do -- for a short period of time.

What I don’t have is the ability to just… Jog. Step after plodding step. For minute after minute, lap after lap. It’s boring. It’s uncomfortable. My feet hurt and my breathing gets all uncoordinated. And for some reason I always hit that point where my killer cheetah instinct becomes a docile, sleepy puppy that just wants to find some shady tree to curl up under and sniff at warm grassy smells while it closes it’s eyes, just for a minute.

So, yeah… this is going to be a challenge. Honestly, it’s a challenge I’ve been talking about taking on for a bit over a year, now. Maybe it’s good that I’ve taken this leap with the Princess. We have plenty of time to prep and really, I think it will be fun to go out running with her the odd evening -- maybe this will become “our thing”, who knows?

Regardless, it will be a memorable Mother’s Day gift from my little girl. One that I hope will stay with us for many years, a memory to look back on with at least a smile, if not a high five. And with any luck, it may just be the thing the Princess needs to put some wings under her in one area that she is blessed with some natural talent.

And that will make it all worthwhile.

Could Someone Turn Up The Invincibility In Here, Please?

Roller Derby Fresh Meat night tonight. Not exactly a try-out, just yet. But it's close. They'll be watching me. I'll be watching them. I really have no clue what I'm doing. Well, almost no clue.

I started out looking forward to this night, hoping to make at least a decent impression, but now? Now I just hope that I don't break something or split my face wide open on the track. Cause that would suck.

In the spirit of Nervous Energy and Needing a Kick in the Butt to Pump Me Up... I'm throwing some music up here. And, if y'all have some good, firey suggestions to add to the mix, do it! If it gets you movin, makes you feel like a billion dollars or like Captain Kirk shagging an alien chick, post it! Consider it your service to the Derby World and the Good of Flutterby. Also, prayers concerning the safety of my face and limbs would be greatly appreciated. :)





**Compliments of Cocotte: Garbage, "I Think I'm Paranoid" and No Doubt "Just a Girl" The Garbage song brings to mind PS2 Rock Band nights. FUN!! \m/